Joan Rivers in Pearly Gates Scuffle

rivers newPopular comedian, producer, actress and know-it-all fashion critic, Joan Rivers, who died on Thursday afternoon, seemingly refuses to rest.

Rivers, aged 81, died when her daughter Melissa Rivers took her off of life support in a New York hospital.

Rivers was rushed to hospital after she stopped breathing and suffered cardiac arrest following a throat operation last week.

Latest reports from the Pearly Gates suggest Rivers has kicked up a fuss and has refused to enter Heaven.

“If I’d known the fucking dress code in this ridiculous place, I’d have worn my fucking hospital bedding,” she said to St Peter upon arrival.

“Where the fuck are the diamonds, darling? Champagne, crystal chandeliers, I want this place to shine. It says nothing to me. It is a fucking archaic dump. Was it designed by Tom Selleck?” she shouted at unsuspecting heavenly helpers.

St Peter has refused to comment and said he is not allowed to speak to the media without the permission of ‘the big man.’stpeter

Popular international crossing over charlatan, John Edward, said he had received a very encrypted text message from Rivers late last night.

“I can’t make out what she is trying to say, but have sent the message for analysis,” he said.

He then closed his eyes and said, “I’m seeing a red teddy bear, anyone here have any assoociation with a red teddy bear? It might have been blue? Anyone? In fact, it might not even have been a teddy bear. I’m seeing a colour. Anyone? It might not be a colour. I’m seeing a flower.”

Rivers’ daughter Melissa could not be reached for comment.

Intrepid critic and comedian, Rivers spent her final years as the anchor of Fashion Police on E! Entertainment.


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