fuel-price-thumbThe Department of Energy announced on Monday the price of petrol will rise by 52 cents a litre (c/l) for all grades, while diesel will increase by a massive 76c/l.

The main reason for the spike is the weakening rand/US dollar exchange rate.

The Department of Energy, meanwhile, has urged motorists to deal ‘wisely’ with the increase in fuel prices.

Spokesperson for the department, Wishbone Gumede urged motorists to resist heading to the pumps like sheep ahead of the increase, which will take effect at midnight on Tuesday.

“We see this every time we increase the price of fuel, and it makes no sense, especially for those driving more expensive, luxury vehicles, and those which use more fuel,” Gumede said.

Gumede advised, “When you’re spending so much money on your car instalments every month, it only makes sense to avoid the cheap stuff when it comes to filling up.”

He said there was a misconception about the need to fill up ahead of the increase.

“The best thing to do for any motorist who respects his or her car is to wait for the price increase to kick in before filling up. This will ensure you avoid as much of the cheaper fuel as possible and opt rather to respect your engine by using only the more expensive stuff. You car deserves it,” Gumede insisted.

The Automobile Association has warned that motorists should brace themselves for further price increases in the coming months.

“An increase in the price of fuel should never be seen as a bad thing,” Gumede says.

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sniffer2.pngA dedicated SARS sniffer dog was on the receiving end of the perfect gift at a prestigious event held at a popular hotel in Sandton on Wednesday.

The event, attended by top brass from Airports Company South Africa (ACSA), South African Police Services (SAPS) and South African Revenue Service (SARS), was arranged to thank 4-year-old Raffles for his hard work over the last two years.

Speaking to the media after the event, Raffles’s proud handler, Reggie Spotless, said, “Raffles has single-handedly intercepted no less than R600-million worth of narcotics at OR Tambo International Airport during the last year alone.”

He said Raffles was starting to become very edgy of late and even snapped at an empty baggage trolley a few weeks ago and also tried to attack the luggage conveyor belt.

“It can’t be easy smelling cocaine all day without ever having the chance to just sit down and enjoy a line yourself. He was bound to start losing his mind at some stage,” Spotless said.

“We simply cannot afford to lose the services of this wonderful dog, so we did the right thing. We gave Raffles the day off, organised a lavish event, and cut him a 38cm line of cocaine to enjoy as a reward.”

Spotless said it was only understandable that Raffles would start to become aggressive after four years in the service without ever having the chance to sample anything.

“It made perfect sense. He’s a completely different dog now. It’s like he’s been given a new lease on life. He just seems to have more wisdom about his daily routine now that he knows exactly what it is he is intercepting,” Spotless said.

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sabc-new-oneThe South African Broadcasting Corporation has admitted it is running out of music and has issued a request to all South Africans to assist.

The SABC announced on Wednesday 11 May it would be implementing a quota for local music on all of its 18 radio stations.

Starting on 12 May, 90% of all music played by the public broadcaster was to be sourced from South African artists, regardless of quality.

Spokesperson for the SABC, Dingindawo Mahlangu has called upon all South Africans to submit whatever music they are capable of producing.

“The truth is we’re running out of music and we need all South Africans to help us maintain our 90% promise,” Mahlangu said.

“At the SABC, we’ve now been forced to adopt an extremely open-minded opinion on what constitutes music, and we’re happy to consider absolutely all submissions.”

Mahlangu said over the weekend, three of the SABC radio stations played what he referred to as ‘a beautiful 7-minute duet’ between two howling dogs recorded on a cellular phone in Hermanus recently.

A family in Eshowe, KZN submitted a recording of their 2-year-old son screaming and repeatedly slamming the bathroom door. It was played on four SABC stations on Sunday night.

“If we look for music, we can find it anywhere, and we urge all South Africans to keep their cellphones at hand. Record whatever you can and submit it. There is a very good chance it will be playlisted at some stage,” Mahlangu said.

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saps thumb2A South African Police Services warrant officer stationed in Linden, Johannesburg has made a shocking confession to the media.

Riddled with confusion, Warrant Officer Sipesihle ‘Strong Arm’ Jekubeni said he could no longer live with himself and needed to tell someone.

Jekubeni then contacted various members of the media, openly confessing to actually reading a police affidavit before stamping and signing it, and in so doing, confirming its authenticity.

“I have no idea what I was thinking. If I can remember correctly, I think my phone battery was flat and I had nothing else to look at,” he said.

Jekubeni says he felt a cold rush of euphoria as he read details of a misplaced identity document, presented and written by a member of the public on an official SAPS affidavit form on Sunday 8 May 2016.

“I have never ever read any of these things. I just usually stamp and sign. I’m afraid of this information I have now. I want to forget it,” Jekubeni said.

He refused to divulge any of the information on the police affidavit.

The Linden SAPS Station Commander was unavailable for comment.

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woolworthsOne of the largest retail chains in the country has made a bold decision in an attempt to ease the pain for consumers.

South Africans have been feeling the pinch of a plummeting rand, a failing economy, large scale corruption and an arguably (a)pathetic president.

Speaking at a press conference in Sandton on Wednesday, spokesperson for Woolworths Holdings Limited (Woolworths), Gabriel Pinchpenny said it was high time grocery shops followed the example set by airports the world over.

“Let’s face it – there really is no better feeling than carrying a branded Woolies grocery packet, and if we’re expecting our customers to fork out exorbitant amounts of money in order to be seen with them, we need to give something back,” Pinchpenny said.

He says, “The solution has been staring us in the face for decades. Starting with our Johannesburg branches, we will be renovating all our stores, adding a prayer room to each one. Customers will be given seven minutes to retreat to the room for silent prayer or meditation once their items have been rung up.”

Pinchpenny said it was important for their loyal customers to feel they have a greater power to turn to before they leave.

“Have you been to our stores lately? If you think boarding an aeroplane is terrifying, try push a pack of four avocados through our scanners and see what happens to your heart rate,” he joked.

By the end of 2017, every Woolworths food store in the country should have a prayer room.

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heynekeSpringbok coach Heyneke Meyer has turned to an unlikely source for assistance after Saturday’s historic loss to Japan.

Meyer’s Springboks became only the second team to ever lose to the Cherry Blossoms at a Rugby World Cup after they were shocked 34 – 32 in Brighton on Saturday night.

The only other team ever to have lost to Japan at a Rugby World Cup was Zimbabwe.

Bok coach Meyer said, “I cannot just sit here and do nothing. I must change something. I am not too proud to ask for help if I think it is needed,” Meyer said.

Meyer was speaking to reporters as well as an angry mob outside the team hotel early on Sunday morning.

He said, “When I got back to my hotel room last night, I watched Invictus, hoping it would give me inspiration and also a few ideas and alternative game plans.”

Meyer said he was really impressed at how Matt Damon ‘got the knack of rugby’ so quickly, and said praise must go to director Clint Eastwood for his part in that transformation.

“I have spoken to [SARU President] Oregan Hoskins and we have agreed to call on the services of Eastwood on an urgent consultancy basis. If he could transform Damon from an ordinary actor into a Rugby World Cup winning Springbok, even just on the screen, I’m sure he has a great deal to offer us,” Meyer shouted triumphantly with his fists in the air.

Hoskins confirmed Eastwood had been contacted with a very attractive offer on the table.

Scene from Invictus
Scene from Invictus

“We’re hoping Clint is able to join us in England by Thursday this week, at the latest,” Hoskins confirmed.

Invictus is the story of how Nelson Mandela joined forces with the Springboks as the country won its first ever Rugby World Cup in 1995.

Hoskins also called on Springbok fans to stop posting insulting and derogatory messages on social media as it ‘deeply upset Heyneke’.

“We need to treat Heyneke with the love and respect he deserves,” Hoskins said.

The Springboks’ next match is against Samoa on Saturday.

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addingtonProvincial hospitals in KwaZulu-Natal are under pressure to adopt a policy of transformation when admitting patients for treatment.

This emerged at a media briefing in Durban on Wednesday afternoon.

Speaking on Wednesday, Provincial spokesperson for the Department of Health, Sibusiso Allsorts said hospitals in KZN did not accurately reflect diversity with regard to medical procedures and ailments.

“I visited five provincial hospitals in KZN last week, and was shocked to find that three of them did not have a single patient suffering with appendicitis, while the other two each had more than twenty,” said Allsorts.

Allsorts said the problem was serious and needed to be addressed immediately.

He said, “There are over a million reasons to be in hospital, and we need all of our hospitals in the province to accurately reflect these reasons. We cannot have a thousand patients in one hospital being treated for a kidney ailment, while all the other hospitals are treating bronchitis. This is simply not fair and it is not a true reflection of our rainbow nation. We are a country full of a variety of diseases and all of our hospitals need to reflect this.”

Addington Hospital Senior Ward Manager, Rosemary Panicstation says she is ‘deeply concerned’ with the proposed move.

“If I find myself having to turn away a good, solid appendicitis patient to make place for one who is terminal, it would break my heart,” she said.

Allsorts said a task force would be formed to map the road ahead.

“If we need to start at grassroots, and move patients between paediatric wards in hospitals, then we will do that, but it is imperative we do it soon,” he said.

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