goldSharks Director of Rugby Gary Gold has announced a brave plan ahead of the ABSA Currie Cup season, which starts in August.

The Cell C Sharks let their fans down in a dismal Vodacom Super Rugby season in which the KZN franchise finished 11th overall and 5th in the South African conference.

Speaking at a media conference at Growthpoint Kings Park on Wednesday this week, Gold said the Cell C Sharks had decided to take a leaf from the All Blacks’ book.

“We play in black, we’re passionate about rugby and we have a rugby-mad fan base, making us South África’s All Blacks,” said Gold.

Gold said they had decided to take it one step further in imitating the world champions.

“The All Blacks do the Haka, which intimidates opponents, so we will do a similar routine, but call it the uShaka with the same goal in mind.”

Gold said the uShaka was an idea the franchise had been playing with for the last two seasons and they felt the time was now right.

He refused to divulge any details, but assured the media it would be a spectacle worth watching.

“We’ve had choreographers working with the guys to break them out of their shells, and I must say, it’s looking quite good. It’s very Durban. It has everything. I can’t wait to show the world how well we can dance,” said Gold.

Gold assured fans there would also be a routine in the uShaka which aimed at asking the gods for rain to alleviate the worst drought in KZN since 1992.

The Cell C Sharks get their ABSA Currie Cup campaign underway with a match against Pumas at Mbombela Stadium on 7 August.

Gold refused to reveal when the Cell C Sharks would perform the uShaka for the first time.

The Cell C Sharks’ first ABSA Currie Cup home game is against the EP Kings on 15 August.

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Floyd Mayweather Jr.Information, that will leave the boxing fraternity shocked, has leaked just over 24 hours ahead of the ‘the fight of the century’.

Mayweather has secretly sought advice from TV personality Jerry Springer’s on-stage security staff in the weeks leading to the big match up.

According to a source within the camp, who spoke on agreement of anonymity, Mayweather has watched approximately 100 hours of footage taken from The Jerry Springer Show.

Springer’s staff are regarded as the best in the world as they are able – in most cases – to prevent any serious injuries between fist-throwing thugs on stage.

Exact details are sketchy, but it is reported Springer’s security staff have told Mayweather to watch Pacquiao’s eyes at all times.

According to Springer’s guards, the pupils dilate split seconds before a punch is thrown.

This happens when the message to punch reaches the brain, at which time the pupils dilate in order to enhance vision.

It is believed in case of experienced boxers, the pupils may dilate up to three seconds before the punch is thrown, giving the opponent even more time.

This is because (due to the number of knocks it has taken) the average brain of a boxer takes longer to register what the message is. The same is said for many of Springer’s on-stage guests.

Mayweather’s corner has also insisted the American takes at least 10 selfies a day and stares at a collage of them for two hours before going to bed.

Studies have revealed staring at one’s own selfies has the potential to make one fearless.

Psychologists at Harvard argue when staring at a selfie you see all your blemishes, and realise you have nothing to lose.

Tests have been carried out on a number of celebrities, with the only one to fail being George Clooney.

Psychologists believe Clooney is unable to find any fault when staring at himself for hours.

Susan Boyle, however, has become suicidal as a result of the tests, and is currently considering legal action against Harvard University.

Finally, according to our sources, Mayweather has also spent time listening to Celine Dion to test his patience.

Dion refused to comment.filepicker-j8VMVrlR4SQOrsDQiGoj_jerry_springer_fight

This information is expected to change the way all athletes train.

The fight at MGM Grand Las Vegas will take place at around 20h00 local time.

The fight is set to generate an estimated $400 million.

Pacquiao has 57 wins and five defeats from 64 pro fights, while Mayweather is unbeaten after 47 fights.

It is expected to be the most watched event in the world, even surpassing Super Bowl XLVIII, as well as the premiere of Police Academy 6 in 1989.

Feel free to leave your predictions here.

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South_Africa-Xenophobia-520x330Durban’s CBD saw a world first on Wednesday morning, amidst the looting and violence attributed to xenophobia.

A Somalian national had just closed his clothing and figurine shop, and was about to leave the city centre, when he was attacked by 16 young South African males at around 2 pm.

Exact details of the incident are still sketchy.

The Somalian, who is recovering in hospital, says he was possibly within inches of his life, when, all of a sudden a trending hashtag came to the rescue.

Speaking from his hospital bed, the man who asked to remain anonymous said, “I just looked up and saw the crowd of men, when the hashtag appeared out of nowhere.”

The man is still shaken, but says he can clearly remember seeing the hashtag #saynotoxenophobia.

He says as soon as the youths saw the hashtag approach, they dropped their batons, apologised profusely, and scrolled for safety.

The man is expected to make a full recovery.

It is the first known case in the world where a hashtag has actually saved a life.

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(Photo taken of violence in Jeppe Street, Central Johannesburg)

mail220315iAlmost eight years after the mysterious disappearance of three-year-old Madeleine McCann, her parents have made a desperate plea to children around the world.

Madeleine went missing from her bed in a holiday apartment at a resort in Algarve, Portugal on the evening of 3 May 2007.

Madeleine was on holiday with her parents, Kate and Gerry, and her younger twin siblings, Sean and Amelie.

She disappeared while her parents were out, dining at a restaurant near the resort.

Meanwhile, Kate and Gerry have called on children all over the world to change their Easter Egg hunt routines this year.

“With the help of a private detective and Scotland Yard, we did extensive research, and it takes the average middle class British child under the age of 10 years old, an average of 13 minutes to find all the hidden Easter eggs,” said Gerry.

He said, “If each child around the world spends just six minutes scouring the garden for chocolates, and the other seven minutes looking for Madeleine, I’m almost positive we will find her.”

Gerry was speaking at a press conference on Wednesday while on holiday in Ibiza.

The McCanns are currently on a two-month holiday on the popular Spanish island while their nine-year-old twins, Sean and Amelie house sit their home in the village of Rothley in Leicestershire.

“We just need to get away every now and then, and the twins can be so much fuss sometimes, so they agreed to stay at home and water the plants. I do love my plants, and will not forgive myself if they perish,” said Kate.

Police and security guards around the world have also been called upon to strip and identify any person roaming around in an Easter Bunny outfit.

“We just don’t know. We really don’t. She could even have become an Easter Bunny by now,” said Kate.

The hunt for Madeleine continues with her parents convinced she will be found, and the family reunited.

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[A child goes missing every six hours in South Africa. If you have any information OR would like to report a missing child in South Africa click here]

[If you have any information regarding the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, click here]

bbc_malikShocking details have emerged surrounding the sudden resignation of One Direction member, Zayn Malik.

Malik walked away from the band’s world tour last week citing ‘stress’ as the reason for his departure.

However, sources close to the band have leaked shocking information behind Malik’s departure, which is bound to leave One Direction fans heartbroken.

According to the sources, who spoke on agreement of anonymity, Malik learned he was 2 months pregnant on Monday 16 March, and has apparently been in turmoil since.

One particular source said, “We’re all just shocked. I mean, he wasn’t even showing, but he thought something was wrong when he started having strange cravings. Two weeks ago, he insisted on at least 1000 daffodils in his dressing room at one gig. By the end of the night he had eaten them all, leaving just the stalks behind.”

Malik reportedly did the test secretly in a public bathroom in Brazil, with the pregnancy stick confirming the result.

#newsbyrory attempted to contact Malik, the other four members of One Direction, as well its management team, but they have all remained mum – which is exactly what Malik is about to become.

It is not known at this stage who the the other parent of the child is, or whether or not Malik will keep it.

The sources close to the band say Malik is just planning to take it one craving at a time.

Malik was last spotted on a private flight to Morocco chewing relentlessly on a moonstone.

One Direction will continue its world tour as a four-piece outfit and record a fifth album later this year.

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clarkson2Recently sacked Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson is currently in talks with international chef Gordon Ramsay regarding a new reality television series.

The violent Clarkson and Tourette’s sufferer Ramsay were spotted in a secret meeting in a London Hotel on Wednesday.

Clarkson was sacked by the BBC on Tuesday for recently assaulting one of the Top Gear producers.

A source working in the hotel said Clarkson also assaulted three of the other patrons after they offered the disgraced star their autographs, while Ramsay insulted the carpets, saying they reminded him of his late grandmother’s bed spread.

Meanwhile, a number of inside sources at the BBC have leaked information regarding the imminent TV series featuring both Clarkson and Ramsay as judges.

According to the sources, The reality series will be called Hell’s Freeway.

Contestants will be required to prepare a seven course meal while driving a 1971 Austin Mini, at 120 km/h, without tyres, through a treacherous mountain pass in Peru.

All producers of Hell’s Freeway will attend self-defense courses before recording commences in August.

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hippoA security guard is considering his options after being attacked and severely injured by a hippo at Tala Game Reserve near Cato Ridge on Thursday morning.

Spokesperson for ER24, Bradman Stretcher, said the guard was in a serious condition after his arm ws bitten by the hippo.

The 46 year old security guard, Winston Goodprice had his right arm severely injured when the hippo became angry and snapped at him.

Speaking from his hospital bed late on Friday night, Goodprice, who is recovering slowly, said he was disappointed with the hippo, and would be laying a complaint with consumer watchdog website, HelloPeter.com.

“The hippo refused to give me a single insurance quote, and when I double-clicked for the third time, that is when the hippo became angry and attacked me,” said Goodprice.

Goodprice’s wife Olive said she was eventually forced to approach a broker in order to insure their goods.

“It’s too late for Winston, but we need to raise awareness, so this does not happen again,” says Olive.

Douglas Barkfur
Douglas Barkfur

Wildlife expert Douglas Barkfur says hippos should not be expected to provide insurance quotes.

“Too much is expected of our hippos, and as a result, many of them feel despondent, and act accordingly. This needs to stop. The victims here are the hippos,” said Barkfur.

Tala Game Reserve refused to comment.

The complaint with Hellopeter.com is pending.

At the time of going to print the hippo was in call centre training, and could not be reached for comment.

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