The South African Rugby Union called an emergency press conference earlier today to reveal the names of its two newest sponsors.

Flanked by Victor Matfield and Bakkies Botha, SARU president Oregan Hoskins and head coach Heyneke Meyer addressed the media at an old age home in Sandton.

The two new sponsors, Salusa 45 and Super Corega, were represented by their respective marketing managers, Luke Oldman and Bernice Rozenkratztooth.

Hoskins reiterated how important it was for the Springboks to remain associated with brands that not only reflected the tireless work ethic for which the ‘Boks strived, but also those which had practical use.

Shouting into a walkie-talkie while shaking about, coach Meyer said, “Move that bladdy (sic) youngster out the way so that Matfield can get his commode into the room.”

Rozenkratztooth said Super Corega was honoured to be a part of the Springbok brand. “The public is tired of hearing Matfield trying to communicate with his players without teeth. We deserve more than that.”

The sponsorships will take effect from 1 September 2014. “We cannot wait any longer than that,” said Hoskins. “If we aim to be competitive at next year’s World Cup, we cannot be losing our teeth in the scrums.”

Unbeaten so far in the Castle Lager Rugby Championship, the Springboks will be in action again on Saturday 6 September, when they face Australia in Perth.


Jimmy-Stonehouse-pointsAhead of last night’s ABSA Currie Cup encounter between Steval Pumas and Cell C Sharks at Mbombela Stadium in Nelspruit, one of the Pumas players tested negative for a banned substance.

The player, whose name has not yet been released, is now under investigation and scrutiny from coach Jimmy Stonehouse. At a media briefing after the match, Stonehouse said he had instructed all his players, cleaning staff, administration clerks and security personnel to make use of anabolic-androgenic steroids (AAS).

“The player has been sent home and his parents ordered to take care of him until he is able to face the music,” said Stonehouse. The drug the players had been told to use was Dehydrochlormethyltestosterone. The player insists he simply forgot to do so.

A source close to the Steval Pumas said last week one of the cleaning staff accidentally pushed a hole through the door of Stonehouse’s SUV while washing it. The staff member then, in a fit of rage, tipped the car onto its roof and resigned.

Stonehouse could could not be reached for further comment today. His agent said he was busy moving house. Literally.

Steval Pumas upset the Cell C Sharks 32 – 22 in an aggressively contested match last night.