sabc-new-oneThe South African Broadcasting Corporation has admitted it is running out of music and has issued a request to all South Africans to assist.

The SABC announced on Wednesday 11 May it would be implementing a quota for local music on all of its 18 radio stations.

Starting on 12 May, 90% of all music played by the public broadcaster was to be sourced from South African artists, regardless of quality.

Spokesperson for the SABC, Dingindawo Mahlangu has called upon all South Africans to submit whatever music they are capable of producing.

“The truth is we’re running out of music and we need all South Africans to help us maintain our 90% promise,” Mahlangu said.

“At the SABC, we’ve now been forced to adopt an extremely open-minded opinion on what constitutes music, and we’re happy to consider absolutely all submissions.”

Mahlangu said over the weekend, three of the SABC radio stations played what he referred to as ‘a beautiful 7-minute duet’ between two howling dogs recorded on a cellular phone in Hermanus recently.

A family in Eshowe, KZN submitted a recording of their 2-year-old son screaming and repeatedly slamming the bathroom door. It was played on four SABC stations on Sunday night.

“If we look for music, we can find it anywhere, and we urge all South Africans to keep their cellphones at hand. Record whatever you can and submit it. There is a very good chance it will be playlisted at some stage,” Mahlangu said.

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sylvia-two-newsA Durban housewife has described how her life was turned upside down this week after losing her rag early on Monday morning.

49-year-old Sylvia Schoolcraft was inconsolable as family members and close friends rallied around her shortly after she discovered the loss.

“In over 31 years of cleaning, washing up, making lunches, ironing, playing Solitaire and fetching kids from school, I’ve never ever lost my rag,” Sylvia said.

The married mother of two teenage sons says the last time she can remember using it was while wiping down the kitchen cupboards shortly after 9 o’clock on Monday morning.

“I took a tea-break and played a few rounds of Solitaire on my very own computer, and when I went back to the kitchen to wash the breakfast dishes, my rag was nowhere to be seen,” she says.

Sylvia says it will take her a long time to get over the loss.

“Of all the things I could lose, why my rag? What am I supposed to do now?” she asked?

“It’s one of those things. You never actually think it will happen to you. I refuse point-blank to use a sponge,” she says.

Sylvia says she is emotionally shattered and would consider seeking domestic help for a few weeks until she is able to find her feet again.

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bieber-newsJustin Bieber has joined a long list of musicians who have made a shock decision in response to the latest announcement from the South African Broadcasting Corporation (SABC).

The SABC announced on Wednesday it would be implementing a quota for local music on all of its 18 radio stations.

Starting today, 90% of all music played by the public broadcaster must be sourced from South African artists, regardless of quality.

The controversial decision has sent shock waves through the international music industry, with many big artists having already applied for South African citizenship.

Spokesperson for Justin Bieber, Guy Popnotes, said Bieber had already agreed a $13-million deal with the South African Department of Home Affairs for immediate citizenship.

“If all goes well, as of Monday 16 May, Justin will be in the possession of a brand new passport and will have dual Canadian / South African citizenship,” Popnotes said.

Popnotes said he considered it money well spent on Bieber’s behalf as a good 35% of his teenage fans are South African.

“We simply cannot afford to have Bieber silenced in South Africa. To have him officially declared a local South African artist seemed the only solution,” he said.

Popnotes even hinted towards a possible collaboration with popular SA music sensation, Kurt Darren.

“I’ve heard some of Kurt’s music. I think they’d do well together in a studio,” he said.

Other international artists who are rumoured to be agreeing similar lucrative deals with the Department of Home Affairs are Adele, Lionel Ritchie, Miley Cyrus, Indecent Obsession, Susan Boyle and Vanilla Ice.

At the time of going to print, the Department of Home Affairs was not available for comment.

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goldSharks Director of Rugby Gary Gold has announced a brave plan ahead of the ABSA Currie Cup season, which starts in August.

The Cell C Sharks let their fans down in a dismal Vodacom Super Rugby season in which the KZN franchise finished 11th overall and 5th in the South African conference.

Speaking at a media conference at Growthpoint Kings Park on Wednesday this week, Gold said the Cell C Sharks had decided to take a leaf from the All Blacks’ book.

“We play in black, we’re passionate about rugby and we have a rugby-mad fan base, making us South África’s All Blacks,” said Gold.

Gold said they had decided to take it one step further in imitating the world champions.

“The All Blacks do the Haka, which intimidates opponents, so we will do a similar routine, but call it the uShaka with the same goal in mind.”

Gold said the uShaka was an idea the franchise had been playing with for the last two seasons and they felt the time was now right.

He refused to divulge any details, but assured the media it would be a spectacle worth watching.

“We’ve had choreographers working with the guys to break them out of their shells, and I must say, it’s looking quite good. It’s very Durban. It has everything. I can’t wait to show the world how well we can dance,” said Gold.

Gold assured fans there would also be a routine in the uShaka which aimed at asking the gods for rain to alleviate the worst drought in KZN since 1992.

The Cell C Sharks get their ABSA Currie Cup campaign underway with a match against Pumas at Mbombela Stadium on 7 August.

Gold refused to reveal when the Cell C Sharks would perform the uShaka for the first time.

The Cell C Sharks’ first ABSA Currie Cup home game is against the EP Kings on 15 August.

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South_Africa-Xenophobia-520x330Durban’s CBD saw a world first on Wednesday morning, amidst the looting and violence attributed to xenophobia.

A Somalian national had just closed his clothing and figurine shop, and was about to leave the city centre, when he was attacked by 16 young South African males at around 2 pm.

Exact details of the incident are still sketchy.

The Somalian, who is recovering in hospital, says he was possibly within inches of his life, when, all of a sudden a trending hashtag came to the rescue.

Speaking from his hospital bed, the man who asked to remain anonymous said, “I just looked up and saw the crowd of men, when the hashtag appeared out of nowhere.”

The man is still shaken, but says he can clearly remember seeing the hashtag #saynotoxenophobia.

He says as soon as the youths saw the hashtag approach, they dropped their batons, apologised profusely, and scrolled for safety.

The man is expected to make a full recovery.

It is the first known case in the world where a hashtag has actually saved a life.

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(Photo taken of violence in Jeppe Street, Central Johannesburg)

hippoA security guard is considering his options after being attacked and severely injured by a hippo at Tala Game Reserve near Cato Ridge on Thursday morning.

Spokesperson for ER24, Bradman Stretcher, said the guard was in a serious condition after his arm ws bitten by the hippo.

The 46 year old security guard, Winston Goodprice had his right arm severely injured when the hippo became angry and snapped at him.

Speaking from his hospital bed late on Friday night, Goodprice, who is recovering slowly, said he was disappointed with the hippo, and would be laying a complaint with consumer watchdog website, HelloPeter.com.

“The hippo refused to give me a single insurance quote, and when I double-clicked for the third time, that is when the hippo became angry and attacked me,” said Goodprice.

Goodprice’s wife Olive said she was eventually forced to approach a broker in order to insure their goods.

“It’s too late for Winston, but we need to raise awareness, so this does not happen again,” says Olive.

Douglas Barkfur
Douglas Barkfur

Wildlife expert Douglas Barkfur says hippos should not be expected to provide insurance quotes.

“Too much is expected of our hippos, and as a result, many of them feel despondent, and act accordingly. This needs to stop. The victims here are the hippos,” said Barkfur.

Tala Game Reserve refused to comment.

The complaint with Hellopeter.com is pending.

At the time of going to print the hippo was in call centre training, and could not be reached for comment.

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fireIn a bizarre, unprecedented incident, a petrol station on a busy Durban North road exploded during the early hours of Sunday morning.

“It happened at around 02h15 when I woke up to get me a cold pop. I thought someone was havin’ a barbecue,” said 97-year-old Sugar Brownloaf.

Brownloaf, who lives in a cargo container across the road from the petrol station said, “I saw flames. I saw the smoke. I ran across the road to get a light, ‘cos I ain’t got no matches, you see, and when one sees this kinda thing, one needs one a joint. Just to calm the nerves, like.”

Spokesperson for the Ethekwini Fire and Rescue Services, Graham Burnside said it was strongly suspected that a text message caused the incident.

“Those signs aren’t there for nothing,” said Burnside. “If it says do not use your cellphone, you should not use your cellphone.”

Water was carried in buckets from a swimming pool in a nearby garden to extinguish the fire.

Ethekwini Metro Police have put a motion forward to legally obtain cellular phone records from all residents within a 200km radius of the petrol station.

“Somebody has got to pay for this disaster,” said Corporal Captain Sergeant Lieutenant Superintendent Maximum Sithole. Sithole is currently the acting head of the acting head of the acting head of Ethekwini Metropolitan Police.

Sithole asked for anyone who has any information whatsoever to come forward. Nobody was injured in the blaze.

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