springbok coach

In an attempt to level the playing fields and assist the Springboks in avoiding an embarrassing home test series loss, the International Rugby Board (IRB) has made an unprecedented decision.

The Springboks suffered a devastating 20 – 26 defeat at the hand of Ireland in the first test at DHL Newlands last Saturday.

This, after the visitors played with 14 men for just less than 60 minutes of the match.

It was new Springbok coach Allister Coetzee’s first match in charge of the Springboks.

“We know Springbok selection is governed by strict quota requirements, so we felt the need to step in and do something to restrict the visiting team too,” said IRB spokesperson Basil Wideball.

Wideball said the IRB had been in discussion with the Irish Rugby Football Union and an amicable agreement had been reached.

Wideball explained, “Ireland will be restricted to 14 men for the first of the second test at Emirate Airlines Park on Saturday.”

Wideball said depending on the score after 40 minutes, Ireland might be forced to remove another player for the second half.

“We don’t have an exact score deficit in mind just yet for the half time decision, but we’ll discuss it with both coaches during the break,” Wideball said.

The Springboks have not lost a test series at home in 19 years and have never lost one to Ireland.

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A British couple has laid a formal complaint with the Association of Tennis Professionals (ATP) following the French Open Men’s Singles Final at Roland Garros.

In Sunday’s final, Novak Djokovic came from a set down to defeat Andy Murray to win his first French Open and become the first man since 1969 to hold all four Grand Slam titles concurrently.

The couple, 67-year-old Harold and 71-year-old Hilary Swiftwhistle from Westminster said the Men’s Singles Final was the worst experience of their lives.

“We paid over £4000 to be at that event and it was absolutely horrific. We couldn’t understand a single word the umpire said throughout the match,” said Hilary.

Harold said they were also unable to see the scoreboard due to their failing eye sight, so it was a ‘complete waste of time and money’.

“In his post-match interview, Novak also made absolutely no sense, blabbering on in that ridiculous language. It was like listening to a bunch of ducks quacking.”

“It’s beyond ludicrous that a tournament of such apparent prestige should still, in this day and age, be conducted in any language other than English. The French are an arrogant bunch and need to get over themselves,” Harold complained.old-couple-newsbyrory

Hilary said she had asked her daughter to post a complaint on HelloPeter as well as the official Roland Garros website, while she had penned a strongly worded letter to the ATP.

“And I wrote the bloody letter in English, I did!” she shouted.

Harold said they would be keenly awaiting a response as well as a formal apology.

“It surely cannot continue like this. We’re in the 21st century now,” he said.

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heynekeSpringbok coach Heyneke Meyer has turned to an unlikely source for assistance after Saturday’s historic loss to Japan.

Meyer’s Springboks became only the second team to ever lose to the Cherry Blossoms at a Rugby World Cup after they were shocked 34 – 32 in Brighton on Saturday night.

The only other team ever to have lost to Japan at a Rugby World Cup was Zimbabwe.

Bok coach Meyer said, “I cannot just sit here and do nothing. I must change something. I am not too proud to ask for help if I think it is needed,” Meyer said.

Meyer was speaking to reporters as well as an angry mob outside the team hotel early on Sunday morning.

He said, “When I got back to my hotel room last night, I watched Invictus, hoping it would give me inspiration and also a few ideas and alternative game plans.”

Meyer said he was really impressed at how Matt Damon ‘got the knack of rugby’ so quickly, and said praise must go to director Clint Eastwood for his part in that transformation.

“I have spoken to [SARU President] Oregan Hoskins and we have agreed to call on the services of Eastwood on an urgent consultancy basis. If he could transform Damon from an ordinary actor into a Rugby World Cup winning Springbok, even just on the screen, I’m sure he has a great deal to offer us,” Meyer shouted triumphantly with his fists in the air.

Hoskins confirmed Eastwood had been contacted with a very attractive offer on the table.

Scene from Invictus
Scene from Invictus

“We’re hoping Clint is able to join us in England by Thursday this week, at the latest,” Hoskins confirmed.

Invictus is the story of how Nelson Mandela joined forces with the Springboks as the country won its first ever Rugby World Cup in 1995.

Hoskins also called on Springbok fans to stop posting insulting and derogatory messages on social media as it ‘deeply upset Heyneke’.

“We need to treat Heyneke with the love and respect he deserves,” Hoskins said.

The Springboks’ next match is against Samoa on Saturday.

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epkingsEP Kings players and the union’s management have been in conflict for several months regarding delays in salaries.

It is believed the players had not been paid for at least six months before a plan was made by the union.

There appears to be an issue once again with the players’ August salaries, and the union has now approached the fans for help.

EP President Cheeky Watson says, “It is no secret my players are struggling to put food on the table and we cannot have this. We are asking the fans who support us to help out wherever they can.”

Watson was speaking from the presidential suite at Grosvenor House in Dubai where the union’s management are having a two-week brain storming session.

Watson said the union had decided to follow similar protocol to restaurants, where fans would be urged to pay a gratuity when leaving the stadium.

“We cannot afford to pay our players, but we also cannot have them looking in bins for food, so it is up to our loyal fans to put their hands in their pockets for a change,” said Watson.

EP Kings captain Luke Watson
EP Kings captain Luke Watson

Watson’s son Luke has not even been able to purchase a razor in almost two years.

EP Kings CEO Charl Crous said fans would each be encouraged to pay at least 20% of the loss deficit per match.

“So, if we lose by 100 points, for instance, fans would be encouraged to drop R20 in the tins at the exit. The stadium cleaning staff would take 5% of all takings, leaving the players with the rest,” Crous said.

Crous said he believed the initiative would prevent an imminent player strike.

Fans are also encouraged to leave tins of food as well as old clothing and blankets in specially marked bins located all over the stadium.

The EP Kings are struggling in the ABSA Currie Cup Premier Division, having lost four out of four so far in this year’s competition.

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goldSharks Director of Rugby Gary Gold has announced a brave plan ahead of the ABSA Currie Cup season, which starts in August.

The Cell C Sharks let their fans down in a dismal Vodacom Super Rugby season in which the KZN franchise finished 11th overall and 5th in the South African conference.

Speaking at a media conference at Growthpoint Kings Park on Wednesday this week, Gold said the Cell C Sharks had decided to take a leaf from the All Blacks’ book.

“We play in black, we’re passionate about rugby and we have a rugby-mad fan base, making us South África’s All Blacks,” said Gold.

Gold said they had decided to take it one step further in imitating the world champions.

“The All Blacks do the Haka, which intimidates opponents, so we will do a similar routine, but call it the uShaka with the same goal in mind.”

Gold said the uShaka was an idea the franchise had been playing with for the last two seasons and they felt the time was now right.

He refused to divulge any details, but assured the media it would be a spectacle worth watching.

“We’ve had choreographers working with the guys to break them out of their shells, and I must say, it’s looking quite good. It’s very Durban. It has everything. I can’t wait to show the world how well we can dance,” said Gold.

Gold assured fans there would also be a routine in the uShaka which aimed at asking the gods for rain to alleviate the worst drought in KZN since 1992.

The Cell C Sharks get their ABSA Currie Cup campaign underway with a match against Pumas at Mbombela Stadium on 7 August.

Gold refused to reveal when the Cell C Sharks would perform the uShaka for the first time.

The Cell C Sharks’ first ABSA Currie Cup home game is against the EP Kings on 15 August.

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Floyd Mayweather Jr.Information, that will leave the boxing fraternity shocked, has leaked just over 24 hours ahead of the ‘the fight of the century’.

Mayweather has secretly sought advice from TV personality Jerry Springer’s on-stage security staff in the weeks leading to the big match up.

According to a source within the camp, who spoke on agreement of anonymity, Mayweather has watched approximately 100 hours of footage taken from The Jerry Springer Show.

Springer’s staff are regarded as the best in the world as they are able – in most cases – to prevent any serious injuries between fist-throwing thugs on stage.

Exact details are sketchy, but it is reported Springer’s security staff have told Mayweather to watch Pacquiao’s eyes at all times.

According to Springer’s guards, the pupils dilate split seconds before a punch is thrown.

This happens when the message to punch reaches the brain, at which time the pupils dilate in order to enhance vision.

It is believed in case of experienced boxers, the pupils may dilate up to three seconds before the punch is thrown, giving the opponent even more time.

This is because (due to the number of knocks it has taken) the average brain of a boxer takes longer to register what the message is. The same is said for many of Springer’s on-stage guests.

Mayweather’s corner has also insisted the American takes at least 10 selfies a day and stares at a collage of them for two hours before going to bed.

Studies have revealed staring at one’s own selfies has the potential to make one fearless.

Psychologists at Harvard argue when staring at a selfie you see all your blemishes, and realise you have nothing to lose.

Tests have been carried out on a number of celebrities, with the only one to fail being George Clooney.

Psychologists believe Clooney is unable to find any fault when staring at himself for hours.

Susan Boyle, however, has become suicidal as a result of the tests, and is currently considering legal action against Harvard University.

Finally, according to our sources, Mayweather has also spent time listening to Celine Dion to test his patience.

Dion refused to comment.filepicker-j8VMVrlR4SQOrsDQiGoj_jerry_springer_fight

This information is expected to change the way all athletes train.

The fight at MGM Grand Las Vegas will take place at around 20h00 local time.

The fight is set to generate an estimated $400 million.

Pacquiao has 57 wins and five defeats from 64 pro fights, while Mayweather is unbeaten after 47 fights.

It is expected to be the most watched event in the world, even surpassing Super Bowl XLVIII, as well as the premiere of Police Academy 6 in 1989.

Feel free to leave your predictions here.

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nedbankchallenge__70863.1405362606.220.220A south African man has become the first person in the world to remain conscious, while watching an entire day’s play of golf.

88-year-old Neville Roughputter said he was watching round one of the Nedbank Golf Challenge on Supersport, when all of a sudden he realised the day’s play had ended, and he was still awake.

“I actually even remember some of the shots of animals and birds frolicking around the course,” said a mentally exhausted Roughputter.

Roughputter said he immediately contacted his grandson, Harold, asking him to fax the Guinness World Record adjudicators.

Guinness World Record adjudicators have agreed to tentatively confirm the feat as a world record, but are awaiting footage from Roughputter’s in-house surveillance cameras.

Neville Roughputter
Neville Roughputter

Adjudicator, Spike Maximus said the longest recorded time spent consciously watching golf before Roughputter’s incredible feat, was 7-and-a-half minutes. It was recorded back in 1961.

Maximus said, “This is unbelievable. We’ve never even had professional golfers remain conscious throughout an entire round, while playing. A clubhouse nap after nine holes is, if you’d excuse the pun, par for the course.”

Roughputter’s time has not yet been validated, but initial reports suggest he managed approximately eight hours, smashing any previous record.

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